No one likes a label and I’m not trying to give you another one, but if you’re a woman and you’re in and around your 40s, I’m writing this for you.
I’m 5 years into my 40s. In some respects, it’s just a number and I’ve never felt more driven, ambitious and certain about what I want. But there’s a reality that I don’t think many people talk about.
Life just gets really bloody full and not necessarily in a good or productive way.
In my 20s and 30s I hustled and it was fun. I worked hard, did all of the things and was on a near constant journey to betterment in every respect and I relished it.
I now know that I was carting around a load of emotional baggage: unresolved trauma, limiting stories and beliefs around who I was and my value to the world. It was the motivational ‘push’ that lit the fires under me.
But then I had few responsibilities and no one else to think about, so it was all good. Like painting a picture, the more you did, the more you added, the more beautiful that canvas became.
At 45, I’m a single-mother to a 9 year old daughter, I run my own business, I have wider family responsibilities and I have to think about everything from World Book Day through to pensions and house insurance. The days the bins go out, through to life plans that affect me and my daughter’s future. Whether I’m up to date with the dog and cat’s worming tablets (I never am) through to what I want my career to look like.
Life is full and busy, the responsibilities mount up and if you allow it, you can lose yourself in the reality of the day-to-day ‘to-do’s’. You’re busy, productive, a Mum, a Wife, a Daughter… but who are you really?
Now when you add ‘more’ of anything, it just takes time and headspace and puts more on your plate. When your plate is full of everyone else’s stuff, there’s not always room for your own.
Decision-making has a new intention once you hit ‘midlife’ it seems. In your 40s it’s a sculpture. It gets better and more beautiful if you take away and shape rather than add.
I think Essentialism is the key to happiness and a life well-lived.
You just can’t continue to cart around those old stories, limiting beliefs and emotional luggage, there’s no room for it at this stage. The cost is too high.
I made an active decision to reconnect with what I want, rather than remain stuck; by responsibilities, expectations, busy-ness and struggle.
I want the decisions I make and the things I do, to be intentional and to have earned a place in my life. I’m not about to let just anyone or anything just wander in.
I hustle when I need to, but I have a clarity around what I’m trying to get to in my business and I understand the value that I’m creating, so I get to be choice-ful and I choose ease.
Joy has taken on a new importance, but I know what the genuine sources of it look like, from the big shared adventures and risk-taking (hello house renovation) through to a bloody good coffee in the garden, before my daughter wakes up, lifting heavy weights and listening to a nourishing podcast.
An essentialist mindset comes from reconnecting to who you really are; creating crystal clear, full-of-colour visions for the future and activating it all in beautiful ways. I can confirm, it’s pretty transformative.
If you want to find out about doing this work together, check out my socials and my website to find out more about — The Rewild Method: coaching | healing | strategy | creativity.